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Understanding the Post Divorce trauma and dealing with it

By Mansi Ezilon.com articles Published 09/29/2008 | Relationships

It hurts when a marriage falls apart. It hurts even more when a marriage ends up in a divorce. Marriages do not work by themselves. In case of a marriage failure, divorce is the end result. The marriages, which are not on the sound grounds, itself is traumatic for both the partners. Further, when a divorce happens, the trauma ever increases. The emotional and mental trauma is bound to affect the personal lives of both the partners. Be it the fault of whichever partner, the damage will happen to both.

Post-divorce is one of the most difficult times in the lives of all undergoing this. With the busy schedule, most of us have become so engrossed in our lives that we seldom understand the need to support those undergoing post-divorce stress. Meanwhile, those affected are too depressed or are taking time to recover from the emotional stress, to think about ways to mingling with the outside world. However, for those trying to get over a traumatic divorce, or those who are trying to help these people from recovering after a divorce, the tips we give are the same.

Even though divorce has ravaged the mind and souls of the bearers, this does not mean that you cut yourself off from the world. Instead, go out more often. Take as much love as you can from all those people who care about you. Instead of locking yourself away in a room full of memories, go out with friends, party and do everything that you always wanted to do. Be it backpacking in some countryside area or learning ballad, recovering process will be hastened when you give your life everything it ever wanted to be.

The second step to get to your healing is to forgive the past. Learn to forgive all the wrongs you ex did to you. However, the biggest step is to forgive yourself too and stop blaming yourself or anyone else for what happened. If you do have any feelings for your ex, sort them out. Talk to your ex, even though it might be embarrassing looking at him in his eyes. You never know if those past issues get sorted out after these few days of separation and understanding what went wrong. Maintaining a normal relationship with your ex might also help in fuelling up your recovery.

A divorce is especially traumatic where there is a battle between the partners for the custody of their child. Whoever loses creates this immense hatred for the other partner. Do not let this be the case. Generating hatred for either will make it more difficult for you to recover from the post-divorce trauma. Instead, turn with full force to your friends and family. Instead of regretting the past, get to working towards your future. Making a friendly show towards your partner might even get you to meet your kids more often. Therefore, instead of bitterness, let forgiveness take place. As you forgive your past, the past will forgive you too. While things may never be same again, at east they will work towards betterment instead of getting to worst.

Work towards your recovery and do not feel shy to take help from all you care about. Staying alone during this time will depress you even further. Hence, keep company of your loved ones and work your way out of this spiral of hollowness.