Moving On After A Breakup
The breakdown of a relationship is not an easy matter to deal with. Itís bad enough that you have to let go of a person you love, itís even worse that you were caught off guard and is the one being dumped. You coop yourself up inside your bedroom, refuse to talk with your friends, and cry like youíve never cried before. Or if youíre the resilient type, after a brief crying session, you hook up with friends and party like thereís no tomorrow. People might have different ways of coping with a relationship breakdown, but basically, you go through the same process of mourning, acceptance, and moving on.
First of all, allow yourself to mourn your loss. Letting out a good cry would be a good release for the confusing mix of pain, anger, or longing that you might be feeling at the moment. Seek out a friend who would be willing to listen to you unload your emotional burden. Or you may opt to take this time all to yourself.
As they say, after the storm comes the sun. Itís time to get out of your foxhole. Start the healing process by accepting the fact that the relationship has ended. Make an affirmation of this reality by facing the mirror and telling yourself that everything will be okay from now on, the way you would tell a friend the same thing. But do be honest with yourself and do not deprive yourself of a good cry on occasional bouts of depression.
Acceptance does not mean that you have to blame somebody, even yourself, for the fallout. The relationship is over, and no amount of blame or finger pointing would make you feel any better. Doing so would only force you to put the blame on either one of you, seeing the whole thing in a negative viewpoint, and keeping you from moving forward.
Do not let a failed relationship scar you for life. Move on. Buoy yourself up. Start loving yourself again. Go out with friends, or spend more time with your family. Take that dream vacation youíve been putting off for some time now. Buy yourself a good book, a great dress, or the latest DVD movie. In short, start living your life anew.
Sooner or later, breakups would pave the way to new relationships for you and your ex. Prep yourself up for the eventuality of seeing him or herself with someone else. In case you do, you might be surprised to feel stabs of jealousy when you thought all along that you have already moved on. Suppress, but do acknowledge the feeling because it is normally a part of your healing process.
Do you have to get rid of the gifts, pictures and other things that would remind you, in any way, of your ex? While it may give you a physical closure, doing so would not necessarily put up a stamp of finality to your past. Keep those things for a while, and decide on what to do with it later.
If you do start dating, make sure that you know what your intentions are. Are you ready for another relationship? Or are you going out for friendly dates for now? At this point, it would be fairly easy to fall into that love-on-the-rebound trap. If you do get to know someone, on friendly terms or more, be sure that you know your own intentions right from the start.
Relationships do not have to end in bitter terms. Save your friendship, or at least be civil to your ex. Itís a small world and sooner or later, you would bump into each other again. And that does not discount the possibility of rekindling your relationship with him or her in the future.