In almost ten years of working for lawyers (at least a dozen of them), Ive learned quite a few things:

An oral agreement is only as good as the paper its written on.

Everyone has a different version of the English language.

Judiciary standards for documents are to be abided by interns and clerks only.

Whether you are going there for an appointment or you work there, DONT DRINK THE COFFEEyou have no idea where that pot has been.

Lawyers with power are cocky, but they appreciate quality of life.

Lawyers without power bitch if youre five minutes late.

If youre happy, you arent focusing on your job.

Women cause more problems than men.

Overtime isnt staying late, its doing extra work.

A law firm who wont take a case because they are afraid of the other firm, is a lawyer who will never pay you what you are worth.

You dont ask a lawyer for time off, you tell them youre taking time off.

Rich people are cheap people.

More than one secretary in an office means youll either be invited to too many pampered chef, candle and Tupperware parties or one of you wont last very long.

Smile on the phone.

Filing is the last thing you should do, but the most important thing to be done.

People who have time to worry about time clocks and dress codes are people who arent going very far in life.

20% of your job is lying when your boss fucks up. 10% of that is taking the blame on yourself.

25 % your job is padding someones ego.

25% of your job is being an emotional punching bag.

25% of your job is cleaning up someone elses mess.

5% of your job is typing.

You will not consume a decent meal with your family until weekends, holidays or retirement.

Alcohol is a tool to win a case.

The legal system is based upon what you can get, as much as you can get, at whos expense with the least concern for anyone but yourself.

Morality means nothing when money is on the line.

Compassion is what you fake when youre trying to get what you want.

ADHD is a requirement to get in to law school.

If you arent politically involved, youll most likely lose in court.

Real estate is quick money, but jacking up someones bill is quicker.

Everyone has an alterior motive.

Being fake is a qualification to get a job.

Sometimes you have to make a mess to clean one up.

Theres two kinds of lawyers, the ones that people remember and the ones everybody forgets (unless you work for them-then you wish you can forget them.)

Finding the right job is like dating, if you dont meet someone on your level, theyll fuck you over and youll be miserable.

Lawyers are messy but its all your fault.

Each person in one room lives in their own world and expects you to live by its rules without actually living in that world.

EVERYONE wants to flip real estate.

Cutting and pasting are two of your best friends.