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What To Do If You Suspect Your Loved One is Cheating-Without Going Bonkers

By yvonne myers Published 01/14/2007 | Relationships

What To Do If You Suspect Your Loved One is Cheating Without Going Bonkers

        First, calm down.  Dont panic.  When you first get that tingling in your gut that seems to say things arent quite what they appear to be, calm down.  Take a breath.

        No matter what you learn, you will survive and you will be stronger and wiser for it.  Most of us on this planet have either cheated or been cheated on, and most of us survive the experience.  Finding out that your loved one has or is cheating will not destroy you. 

        So, since you suspect your loved one is cheating, again, take a deep breath, calm down.  Here we go:

1.      Recognize that just because you suspect something, doesnt mean its so.  Until you have more information dont do anything. 

2.      Ask yourself questions.  What incident or incidents is causing you to suspect an affair?  Write it out with as much detail as possible. 

3.      Write out how the incident or incidents made you feel with as much detail as possible. 

4.      Take a deep breath and give yourself a big pat on the back for taking the time to collect your thoughts before going off half cocked.

5.      Talk to your loved one.  Mind you I say talk, not confront.  Your goal is discussion, not confrontation.  Tell them about the incident/s and how it made you feel. Breath.

6.      Listen to what they have to say.  Really listen.

Does he/she acknowledge your feelings?  Does he/she have a reasonable explanation for the incident/s?  Does he/she express a willingness to hear what you would like to have happen in the future to avoid any misunderstanding?

7.      End your conversation with your loved one, and thank them

for listening.  Leave.  Take stock of the conversation by writing down as much as possible.  Are you satisfied?  Did the explanation make sense?  Were your feelings heard?  Was there a resolution to handling similar situations in the future?