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Infidelity - Caught In The Act

By Ovi Dogar Published 03/12/2007 | Relationships
Trust is an essential element to any relationship. This lies at the heart of a strong relationship. But, once that trust has been abused, it will be very hard to rebuild that into the relationship.

Let's say that you have a relationship for some time and you really love your partner. Although, you have been caught having an affair by your girlfriend. No matter how she caught you, she saw the messages from your mobile, she heard you talking with the other or saw you together, you have to deal the situation if you really want to save your relationship.

Infidelity causes intense emotional pain, anger, disbelief, fear, guilt, shame; but an affair doesn't  have to mean the end of your relationship.

Here are some useful tips that may help you save your relationship:

- end the affair - first of all you must end your affair; if you choose to stay with your girlfriend, you must end all interactions and communications with the other

- be honest- open communication with your partner it is very important; if she caught you in the act and she know now that you have been unfaithful to her, you have told her already many lies, so now you must confess;  don't deny, because this will make things worst;

- apologize her - even if you like it with the other, show your girlfriend that you are sorry for the pain you caused her and promise her that you finished your affair; convince her that you really love her and you don't wanna lose her for a mistake

- talk to her - if she wants to know all the details, you've better tell her even if she will be hurt, and let her vent her hurt and anger; she will tell how she feels more than once but you should understand her and listen; remember that it is your fault that she feels like that

- identify the issues - identify often points to underlying problems in your relationship; examine your relationship to understand what has contributed to the affair;some people cheat because they aren't getting their needs met inside their relationship; if she ask you why you did it, don't be brutal; say it the truth but in a diplomatic way

- be accountable - if you had an affair you must take responsibility for your actions

- give her some space - you both need a break  from the emotional stress; you'd better discuss after she's calm down

- rebuilt trust - start with small opportunities to grow closer together; after infidelity, communication becomes incredibly strained; but if you don't communicate you can never heal and build  trust again in your relationship

- determine your shared goal - make sure that you both want to save your relationship

- go to a relationship counselor - to help you dealing with your relationship problems; it might really help you to save your relationship

- set groundrules - decide both some rules for the future in you relationship so that both feel safe and secure

Sometimes after passing trow a situation like this, the relationships becomes stronger than ever before. But, if it happens that your girlfriend doesn't want to forgive you for what you did, and want to end the relationship, you've better respect her decision.

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