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Attraction in Men and Women: Teasing, Flirting, and Humor

By Charles Hopkins Published 05/26/2007 | Relationships

The chemistry between men and women is all about attraction, isn't it? It's been said that when a person feels attraction to another then nothing else really matters. At the same time, if a person does not feel attraction to another, then likewise, nothing else really matters. Being physically attractive, being rich or famous, being the right age all matter very little when attraction is present.

Attraction is the key and it is a strong emotion, in fact a combination of emotions that causes a person to want to pay attention to another. We seem to learn about it as children and then we become confused about it as adults.

Remember when you were a child and someone teased you in order to get your attention? Perhaps they threw a bit of paper at you and laughed. Or maybe you made a crayon mark on someone's arm and then looked away, pretending that it was not you who made the mark. Or someone tapped you on the arm and then ran away. Those were all humorous teases that made us pay attention to the other person and made us attracted enough to play the game further.

Attraction between adults is not too different. Teasing with humor is an excellent way to attract the other person's attention and gain their interest. When the technique is done well it calls up several emotions. It tells the other person that you are different from the ordinary others. It also presents a challenge that the other person will react to and not ignore. And it causes laughter, which makes the brain and the body react in positive ways, and tells the other person that there is an opportunity to have fun.

The key to this basic attraction is to tease or flirt in the proper way and to have fun with it. The two elements have to go together in a proper balance. If the comment is too cocky or goes too far and does not include humor, then it will be seen as arrogance. On the other hand, if a person spends too much time joking and being funny, then they will be seen as being just goofy. It's important that the humor be there to balance the provocative comment or action.

In real situations, the teasing with humor technique involves making a provocative comment in a humorous way. Imagine a guy pretending not to pay much attention to a woman by not looking at her directly. He says, "I think you might have spent too much time on your hair." The body language and the comment are provocative and teasing, but rather cold and humorless. Now imagine the same body language with the comment, "I think if you had spent any more time with your hair, it would qualify as a career." Then he looks at her squarely. " Though the result is good. I have to admit that I normally don't date women who are so full of themselves." Then he cracks a smile.

That combination of teasing body language and verbal comment with a warm poking-fun kind of humor will often create a sense of strong attraction in the other person. The guy seems provocative, different, challenging, and perhaps fun. Those qualities arouse the emotions that are the heart of attraction.

The next step is for the woman to hit back, something we did as children, but this time with a teasing comment or a flirtatious flip of the hair and turn of the chin, and the chemistry of attraction is begun