Save Your Marriage Before It's Too Late
By Ovi Dogar
Published 05/29/2007 | Marriage
Everyone wants to have a happy marriage. A happy marriage is one of the finest things life can offer. But after some time different kinds of problems appear in our life. It is true that many people give up on a marriage too soon, and too many marriages end up being weighted down by unresolved difficulties.
What happens if none of those things from the beginning of your relationship are happening any more such as: the little favors nowadays, cook your favorite meal, buy you something special; those little things that showed you she cares about you. Knowing that you may be losing the person you love is hard on anyone. Like most people in your situation you are probably feeling scared and confused, not knowing what to do next. If you feel that your marriage is crisis, don't show your partner that you're panicking; try to keep calm and in control your emotions.
Both of you need to remember that no matter how bleak things seem, it is possible for many marriages to get back on course, but both husband and wife should be willing to cooperate. The important thing is to stay calm and to know what to avoid and what to aim for to make relationship work. You can save your marriage even if your partner wants a separation, she asks for divorce, or doesn't love you anymore. But to stop divorce you need to avoid doing what hurts your relationship, knowing that there's always a hope to save your marriage.
Jealousy is one of the reasons why most people get divorce, but is not the only one. If she caught you with infidelity and that's why she wants to get divorce, the hardest thing you will need to do is to rebuild trust in your relationship: always be on time home, do what you say you do and be honest. Also, never lie to your spouse again, communicate clearly all the time, take time to reassure your spouse if she feels insecure, show her affection on regular basis and also be patient with her.
As I said there are many other reasons why people get divorce. This is usually a big mistake so try first to do all the sacrifices that are necessary to save your marriage.
-first and the most important is to identify your problems; take an honest look at the relationship and determine what the problems are; truly express what is disturbing you in, as much details as possible; look for solutions rather that blaming your partner
-if you are guilty for this situation, show her your companion, respect and affection; everyday remind her how much you love her and put meaning from the heart into those words
-start doing things that were usually done when both were still in loved and married
-express your feelings, communicate your feelings honestly and openly as you can
-establish open dialog and begin to compromise and heal; discuss about your feelings and come to an agreement about what you feel the relationship needs
-also you have to learn to listen as well; the things that are brought up should be treated as guides so that the couple will learn how to respect each other's feelings and points of view; she may talk about what she is feeling regarding the relationship
-you have to work hard to understand and change what is bothering your partner in the relationship; even if she still loves you, she may see some persistent problems in you, and that's why she may have lost hope for the relationship because of them; you have to understand better your partner's perception of these problems
-if you are getting stale on your sex life, talk to each other, spend more time alone just the two of you, go on a vacation
-open yourself to the fact that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways, otherwise you will continue to stay in a rut
-think about the ways you contribute to the situation
-learn to internalize and understand that your partner is not you; both have to find ways to empathize with the other's point of view
-appreciate the value of the other's experience in the way that is different than yours
-don't allow old negative behavior patterns to swamp the present moment
-learn to forgive and forget; learn to forget anything and accept one another; bringing up the past will not save the marriage; one must learn to forgive the spouse and forget all the mistakes from the past
-seek both for a solution; remember that you are two different people; is not about who is wining here, it's about respect, intimacy, growth and emergence
-set goals to work as a couple, such as: to communicate without arguing, to attempt to do things as a couple, to find an end to your problems, and also write down your feelings and allow the other to read them
-last but not at least, be patient; your marital problems did not crop up overnight and they will not be healed overnight; discuss all the emotions that you both feel until you are centered and ready to begin anew
So, if you have some problems in your marriage, wait first to see if that marriage can be saved, don't be hurry to get divorced. Always have to think positive, that there is a hope to save your marriage no matter how many problems appear in your life. And remember that to have lasting satisfaction you need to know how to keep love and good feelings alive.
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