Let's all Cheat

          I get tired of reading mail from women asking what they should do-since their husbands are cheating on them.  I get angry with the pathetic excuses that men give as to why their car was spotted at questionable places with even more questionable passengers. It turns out that all men moonlight as taxi drivers for whores and easy women.  Some men openly have sweethearts, and yes, way more than one, and the wife, well, she is just Mrs. In Denial, squatting home knitting him dick socks.  Divorce is oftentimes not even an option for her, because it took her so long to get that husband and she should have taken everyones advice and finished school.  Too there is the question of the toddler sucking on her glands and well, we know the courts are only so useful, so besides losing everything she has, well, she loses her children, house, her dignity and her man to another woman.  Not a pretty picture.

     The time for anger is past due, but its been my experience that anger does not help for squat.  Getting even does help, but whats the use of killing him and her, and end up in jail instead of enjoying your life?  Thats not very smart, in my opinion.  So I propose my most risqué solution yet: lets all cheat.  Perhaps it will not help our marriage, but lets face it, if our husbands held marriage in any sanctity, well, surely there would be no sweethearts would there?  As per morals, please, I bet you had premarital sex, I bet youve gotten drunk before, I bet youve let some barely known guy finger you, I bet youve lied before, I bet that perhaps you have even stolen a thing or two before.  Adultery is just another glitch on your list of sins; you are probably not getting the everlasting reward anyway.  

     So since your husband is off having a good time while you are sexually starved or under the delusion that you are sexually starving him, go and find yourself a sex buddy.  Join the millions of women who already do, a lot in our community, I could name them but I wont, lest I spoil their marriage. Pfft! Ha ha, I like to amuse myself sometimes.  Men will never want of desire for women, and every woman, so long as she has a vagina, will be appealing to men.  Of course, being nice and not nagging are huge advantages.  You see, this way, not only will you feel justified and perhaps fulfilled at getting back at your cheating husband, actually, you will be getting some satisfaction and may even discover for the first time how an orgasm feels.

     Then too, think of similarly pathetic excuses to give your husband should he find out of your naughtiness; and it might be helpful to acquaint yourself in the arts of Tai Chi Chuan and Karate or some form of defensive or offensive fighting.  You may tell him should he inquire perhaps that you called a taxi, and wouldnt he guess that this handsome guy appeared and you knew he (our husband) was busy, and you just had to go see the rooms at this shady hotel, because you had heard so much of it.  Well, he wasnt there, how will he know what you did?  Drill him to tell you who of his friends told him such lies, as he would as of your friends who tell you of his unfaithfulness.

     Maybe too, cut him some slack, and this might be a good time to throw in his face some of his indiscretions and take the high horse or at least the self-righteous stance and remind that you have tolerated his cheating, and tell him that you have never cheated on him.  Whats a lie if you are fornicating?  Its like an ant on an elephants butt, insignificant.  Pick a good lover too, not some ugly no-gooder like your cheating husband, and try to condition yourself that this guy is your stress reliever, so do not get angry if he is some other womans stress reliever as well.  Keep yourself emotionally distant from your sex buddy, so much that you would shed no more than one tear should he be gunned down.  Be sure to practice safe sex (theres no point in being stupid and certainly nothing to gain save for the guilt of abortion on your single celled conscience) and if your husband is cheating, then at least for yourself, educate him on safe sex practices.  Getting HIV or some venereal disease is just plain embarrassing no matter how you got it.  So now, dont even bitch about a cheating husband, go out there and get some.