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How to stop affairs from taking your partner from you

By Mansi Ezilon.com articles Published 09/26/2008 | Relationships

There are many things that can bring stress and strain into a relationship, but almost none are more dangerous than affairs. These events come between you, spreading anger and distrust, both of which will break apart your bond, your relationship and potentially your family in the most destructive way possible.

Of course, the best way to ensure that affairs do not enter into the partnership is to always keep the bond alive and exciting, thereby reducing the chances of either party looking for companionship or excitement from someone else. However, this is not always possible. Any relationship can periodically go stale over time, with either member being tired, stressed, or distracted, causing people to take foolish actions that have significant, unforeseen, impacts.

Whatever the cause for the start of an affair, the longer it carries on, the greater the risk, and the greater the anger when the truth finally comes out. Therefore the best solution is to confront the situation as early as possible, and as calmly as possible. Whether the person involved in the affair has the sense to acknowledge their mistake and admit to it, or whether their partner finds out about it, talking about it provides the best opportunity to resolve it. This is, of course, not an easy task. As with any relationship that has strong emotion invested in it, finding out that the bond has been sabotaged is guaranteed to generate immediate anger and distrust, and it is critical to overcome these understandable reactions in order to approach the situation as calmly as possible.

The first decision to be considered (as dispassionately as possible) is whether the relationship is worth repairing:

Is this a single slip, or has there been a pattern of deception?

Is the person involved worth the effort involved in repairing the situation?

The second decision to be resolved is whether the person can admit to their actions, and are they willing to try and resolve the issue. Are you both willing (and able) to discuss this openly, honestly and calmly?

The real kiss of doom for this is when either partner is unwilling to be open and honest about the situation and the reasons for it. Hiding affairs, lying about them or refusing to discuss them are all recipes for disaster that lead those involved deeper into deceit and distrust. By the same token, trying to discuss the situation when either party is angry and emotional is likely to cause arguments and outbursts that hinder any possible reconciliation.

However, if it can be discussed openly and honestly, and if both people want their relationship to continue, then there is a good chance that the affair can be overcome and moved beyond. Usually, the best and safest way to help this is to include a third party in the discussion, a mediator who is not directly involved in the relationship who can try to diffuse any outbursts, to keep the discussion as calm as possible, and to try and keep both people on track. Whether this person is a councillor of some sort, a priest, or someone else, is less important, the main factor is that they are not emotionally connected to either person, so that they are not tempted (or forced) to choose sides in the discussion.

Calm, open and honest discussions are the keys to resolving partner affairs. But with perseverance and a willingness to resolve the issues, a truly committed couple can put these mistakes behind them and allow the relationship to return to new strengths.