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Surviving Divorce, how to carry on and grow

By Mansi Ezilon.com articles Published 09/26/2008 | Relationships

One of the darkest aspects of any relationship, a divorce is not an easy thing to handle. Divorces almost never go well for a couple and end up being traumatic for them, as well as the rest of the family. There are a range of issues associated with the process (namely financial, emotional, legal etc), and some are easier to survive than others.

In most countries and states, there are a variety of laws defined to cover divorces from a legal perspective. Some of these try to be fair to both parties, some favour one party over the other, however nearly all of them involve both parties and their lawyers trying to get the best arrangement for themselves. Unless the divorce is very amicable, this always magnifies all of the differences which have made the divorce necessary, increasing all the emotional stress at a time when it is already under major strain.

So not only is it important to have a good understanding of the legal process (and usually a good lawyer), it is also critical to have as much emotional support as possible from friends and family in order to reduce the emotional damage the legal process will cause.

Financially, a divorce also has a significant impact, especially if one partner is financially dependant on the other, as all of that security is in the process of disappearing.

Emotionally, a divorce is often the most significant event in a personís life. You have invested your hopes and dreams in the relationship, you have developed you plans for the future around it, and now all of that is in the process of being destroyed, often undermined by a betrayal of trust in the other partner. This generates massive outbursts of anger and rage as well as grief, depression and despair. As the divorce process usually takes time, often several weeks or more, these emotions can almost become a way of life during this period, starting a potentially self-destructive mindset. The most important thing during this time is to ensure that these emotions are not allowed to permanently warp your perspective, or to embitter you against people and relationships in general. Once again, it is critical to ensure that you are surrounded and supported by a variety of friends and family who are able to help ease the emotional pain and stress, to help provide some perspective, and to help you get through that period of grief, anger and despair.

Amongst all of this, it is also important to ensure that any children in the relationship are also getting all the support possible. Children have a tendency to assume that some of the failings in the relationship are their own fault, and often end up blaming themselves for the ongoing problems. Furthermore, they are usually confused by the situation, in fear of what is going to happen to them and their loved ones, and being torn apart emotionally by both sides of the arguments. It is critical to ensure that children are not being manipulated to taking sides in the divorce, that they have as much emotional support to help them through it, and that the divorce agreement provides for them as fairly as possible. Even in the midst of the confusion and anger, they always need to know that the split is not their fault, that their parents still love them, and that they will still be loved once the current unpleasantness is over.

None of this is easy, but with help and support from friends and family, divorce can be survived relatively intact. And once the formal process is complete, it can then be put behind you, allowing you to heal emotionally, and move forward to new opportunities. The destruction of a relationship like marriage causes a deep emotional wound, but time does heal wounds if you let it.