Coming Out, The Do's And The Don'ts

By Zaithyn Galter Published 07/24/2007 | Dating
Fed up with your closeted life? Then, why arent you coming out? The term refers to disclosing ones gender identity or sexual orientation publicly. The very first and the most difficult step regarding coming out is to come out to ones own self. Then comes the process of coming out to ones close friends, families and other relatives. But, just like any other course of action, coming out is gradual one and certain norms are associated with it. So, before thinking of coming out, you can go through the dos and donts of the procedure offered in this article.

The Dos

Before actually coming out, you are advised to start a discussion on any gay related topic, be it a gay movie or a gay celebrity, with your peers and relatives. The reactions from them will definitely give you a clear picture of what are they going to do after hearing your situation.

Gathering information from the lives of other LGBT people who have come out is important. You can learn from their parents and friends that how they have revealed their sexuality and what was the immediate reaction.

You can also take professional help from relationship counselors who can surely make the process of coming out even easier. You may take your parents to them as well. They will teach them how to overcome depression over ones son/daughters sexuality.

Accept the initial negative reactions of the people. After a few days, you will certainly find that those who really love you are there at your side. The coming out process is actually an eye-opener, because it helps you to know who actually loves you and who are your true friends.

Try to be honest about your past and current relationships as far as possible. Developing the trust of your loved ones has it own positive effects.

If you already have a partner, try to emphasize on his/her qualities. To be more precise, the qualities that your parents seek in a person need to be exaggerated.

Its always better to come out after getting into a steady relationship.  

Bring your partner home as your loving friend quite often before actually coming out in open about your special relationship.

Try to make your close ones realize that being gay is no crime. It is just another form of expressing ones sexuality.

Highlight the present situation of gay people all over the world. Try to get armed with newspaper cuttings and stories that have portrayed gay lives in a positive way. You can also put forward references of married gay couples from all corners of the world.

If you know a person who is gay and has already come out, then keep him beside you during the coming out session and let your folks know how he/she is spending a truly happy and gay life after revealing his/ her sexual identity. Once your parents become convinced that being gay is not the end of the life and life can surely remain as rosy as ever even after coming out in open about his/her sexuality, then they will certainly come in terms with your sexuality.

Keep your cool and be calm while discussing your sexuality. Try to talk in a soft tone.

You must take a close look on the lives of your near and dear ones. Take the ups and downs of their love lives as the learning steps of your future relationship. Learn from the mistakes of other people.
A small family get-together is ideal occasion for coming out.  

The Donts

Dont ever blame the root cause of your sexual orientation on your parents.

Please dont take any drastic step and disclose your sexual preference all of a sudden.

You must not shy away from being true to your own identity. The life you have led for so long and all the happiness and sorrow associated with it should be revealed step by step.

Dont ever try to make up stories to draw attention or sympathy.

Choosing a special occasion like Christmas Day for coming out is not at all welcome. That can mar the spirit of the joyous occasion abruptly.

Dont try to cut off relationships with your relatives after watching their initial reactions. You should give them some time for accepting the reality.

Dont initially unveil such behaviors of your partner that wont be approved by your parents.

Never get impatient and dont rush to any conclusion. Never ever leave your home in a rage.

Dont get afraid easily. Try to gather all your courage and answer all the questions one by one.

Dont ever force one to accept your sexuality. Just tell them what you are and now its up to them whether they will still love you.

Please dont give up the idea of having children. Put examples of adoptions taken by gay parents and try to make them believe that you are going to become a proud father someday, though not biologically. Once your parents understand that there is chance of becoming grandparents, they will not prevent you from starting a relationship with your partner.

Dont ever come out with the help of a 3rd party. Theres nothing more disheartening than letting your parents know about your sexual preference from the mouth of another person.

Lets hope, you have learnt the tricks of coming out and now, you are confident enough to come out in open. Wishing you all the best!!!     

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