The Witch is Back

By Dal Medina Published 09/3/2008 | Relationships

The Witch is Back!!!

     The Witch is back, that's sugar-coating because we are not allowed to use the B-Word.  Well, call her what you want, but the Ex is always a nightmare when she comes lurking around.  She can be an ex wife, the monster who broke his heart or the slut whom he chated with, and now she's back?  Now what the heck do you do...I mean though it may cross your mind, you can't kill her.   Let's look at each of them, and maybe you can work it out or walk away with dignity.  It's not always cause for concern, but it is when she wants him back and so do you. 

   You know your man is your property and as silly as that may seem, well, you belong to him too right. Obviously, if you love him or if you see potential with him, you will want to salvage what's there or what's left.  Let's get one thing clear, though it may be our first impulse, nagging, begging, yelling, crying, tantrums, fits, or ultimatums DO NOT WORK to your advantage.  So steer clear.  It also helps to NOT get involved at all with a guy who is fresh dumped, divorced or cheating.  The chances of getting the witch bak are trippled.

     First of all, yep, you guessed it, it's his job to fix the problem and your job to do nothing when he is divorced or dumped.  Likely, the ex will come crawling back because almost no matter how horrible the relationship was, she will have trouble moving on with her life and it will seem easiest to just go back to him.  Now as much as he has told you about how she once tried to stab him or never cooked for him, that is his problem to deal with, not yours.  If you feel that he needs time to deal with issues, then you can respectfully give him time. yes, it's the hardest thing to do, but the most dignified.  Now since I know you won't do this, I will give you alternate advice. 

     Be the best most fantastic girlfriend you can be, and make sure he knows what he will be losing if he choses to return to the ex.  If you can do it diplomatically, remind him of the horrible things he lived with her, but never make demands because that will send him flying to her.  If it happens to be the ex wife and there are kids involved, then think for a minute and acknowlege that he will always need to have a relationship with her because of the children, and ask yourself if you will be able to live with that.  It is not fair of yo to ask him to avoid her altogether.  He should know that although he may even be allowed an amicable relationship with her, it's not allowed to cross the line. 

     Never approach the ex to try to ask that she leaves him alone... it shows that there is poor communication in your present relationship and also, that there is distrust.  Keep in mind that if you become overzealous to keep what is yours, it undermines your relationship and damages it more than holds it together.  Never try to confront and fight, leave that to the bar women, and I mean that in the nicest sense. Even whores know how to behave like ladies, so really, never lose your dignity over a man.  So, you got that right, be teh best girlfriend ever, always willing, always compromising and do not take your claws out until the danger is clear.

     If HE is your husband and the slut he once cheated with lurks around, it changes things a lot.  Since, you have the upper hand and you have obviously forgiven him once since you are still together, you are allowed a few other freedoms than in the first two instances, but same Don'ts apply.  It is also his job to get rid of her and make sure she (the ex) stops bothering.   Do not let her ruin your patched-up marriage and try your best to control yourself if you see her or see soliciting messages from her.  Tell your husband that he needs to be honest with you and tell him that you need to still be able to trust him, so he needs to tell you even if she persist in nagging, in this case, you may need to approach her and talk to her, but still, keeping your dignity.  Tell her all he has told you of her persistent soliciting and inappropriate messages. If possible, have him change his number and try to be with him as much as possible so that he deos not fall into temptation again.  Do not threathen her and do not CUSS HER OUT, it does nothing but make her want to get even.  If you discover that he is encouraging her, then your problem is with yoru husband and not with the ex.

     I always advocate talking things over, it never hurts. Even when you do, be sure to

  be calm when you do. Make sure he is sure that he wants to stay with you when you decide to stick by him.  Be sure to not let an ex ruin your days or your relationship.  If you know how to handle it and keep your cool, then the ex ends up looking pathethic and eventually gives up. An ex doesn't always wants him back, there's usually a bitter reason it didn't work out. At times, she is just bitter and out for revenge. If she gets to break you up or make you miserable, you let her win. So, keep yourself cool. If you are the witchy EX, well, go on with your bad assed self girl, you deserve love too.