A divorce is an act that would forever remain in the realms of grey. The context decides its rightness and wrongness.
It could be a positive act for one partner and negative for the other.
In many Asian countries, where the individual is less important than the family, a divorce affects not just the two parties to it but their other relatives as well.
For a warring couple, the freedom that divorce gives is as necessary as the happiness that marriage gives to romantic lovers.
A marriage involves enormous commitment, and for those who cannot manage it, it is healthier to opt-out.
In olden days, only grave reasons were considered grounds for divorce. However, in the current day cultural context, there is no shortage of reasons that could lead to divorce.
The most common causes of divorce include;
Infidelity, where a spouse starts an amorous relationship with another individual, is a prevalent cause for divorce.
With everyone working outside the home, there are ample opportunities these days for such situations to develop.
Most persons engaged in extramarital affair started the whole act innocently. Their innocence allowed their emotion to take a fair share of action which later results in a carnal experience.
Also, persons cheat because they do not have sexual satisfaction with their spouse. There are also cases of not having healthy emotional intimacy with their spouse.
Whichever reason anyone has for cheating is wrong. It results in the other partner getting so much anger and hatred. It makes them feel it is the end of the world.
Legally, infidelity is the primary ground for granting a divorce. Even the bible condemns it in Matthew 5:32. Infidelity betrays the trust that exists initially in a relationship.
- Addiction and psychological problems
Alcoholism, drug abuse, criminal behaviour, insanity etc. are other common grounds under which couples can divorce.
Most times a partner whose spouse experiences the addiction may expect a change.
Often, they assist their partner in helping them come out of their present state. They keep their hopes high for more significant turnaround all to no avail.
It is at that juncture, in most cases, they fill for divorce. The reason is to save them from both physical and emotional stress they experience from their partner.
- Absence of communication
When an individual’s whereabouts are not known for a specific number of years or if he willfully abandons his family, divorce is considered an appropriate recourse.
For every marriage, communication is the key to their success. When partners stop communicating, it is a clear indication that they have become total strangers to themselves.
This act frustrates the partners involved and everything about their marriage crashes. Most times, these couples can live together, but their manner of communication causes the problem.
A partner might develop this rude attitude that pisses the other. This attitude can be constant yelling or quarrelling.
Indeed, these are not useful communication traits. Those involved in this kind of activities usually face no other option but to divorce.
Emotional and physical abuse between spouses and constant quarrelling can also eventually lead to divorce.
Often, these abuses might not be the fault of the person receiving the hurt. They can be the best they can be to their partner but yet receive constant abuse.
On this, it might not be the fault of the abuser. They might be struggling with emotional issues.
Constant battering or any other form of abuse can lead to an untimely death.
It also possesses a negative effect on children. It is when faced with this reality that the partner might decide to divorce.
Personality differences, or disparity in personal and career goals, were not earlier considered reasons strong enough to rock a marriage.
But these, along with intellectual incompatibility, inability to meet the spouse’s expectations or ideological or idiosyncratic differences, can lead to divorce today.
As couples grow in their marriage, they must have been advancement in the life of the other partner.
Most times, the partners who before marriage were compatible might, at this stage, discover they are not compatible.
When specific changes occur in the life of a partner, the other partner starts feeling uncomfortable.
When they cannot adapt to the changes, they usually opt for divorce. This idea is better than living a life of sorrow in disguise.
- Early marriage
The high rates of couples filing for divorce are usually those that married as teenagers or younger age.
This incident occurs because the partners involved have not identified who they are before marriage.
Yes, at an early age, they might still be in school or have not even started pursuing a career. Hence, they were not ready for marriage.
Subsequently in the aftermath of the number of years in the marriage, they usually divorce on realizing certain things they could not do earlier.
When they begin to face challenges like financial problems, they will know they didn’t ascertain many things before marriage.
Early marriage couples usually have not matured and lack much experience in life. Thus, when challenges that require expertise and maturity arise, they begin to find it difficult.
Such cases might instigate the idea of divorce as the case may be. The hardship turns unbearable, and then, they want way out.
- Financial incompatibility
Money issues have caused many marriages to get destroyed. Some partners might have made financial mistakes that make them incapable of footing their bills.
Situations like this can cause the other partner severe discomfort.
As the goes on, marriages, couples face problems ranging from feeding, paying bills, and a whole lot of issues that require money.
When a partner is unable to carter for the needs of the spouse and family, most times, this issue leads to divorce.
They will have to reject to live in poverty and prefer to be on their own to carter for their personal needs.
What are the kinds of divorce?
A divorce may be absolute or limited. The decree is absolute in the first kind of divorce, and both couples have no inheritance right from each other.
The court would separate the assets and decide other details like child support payment, etc., after which both are free to remarry.
In the latter, though the court settles most issues, the parties are not entirely free of the bond.
They cannot remarry till a designated period, and if one of them dies during that period, the other inherits.
The absolute divorce is itself divided into ‘no-fault’ divorce and ‘fault’ divorce. Personality clashes and incompatibility are sufficient grounds for a ‘no-fault’ divorce.
But in the case of ‘fault’ couples can obtain divorce only under more severe grounds like infidelity, criminal behavior, or abandonment.
Analysis of divorce
The twentieth century has seen steadily rising divorce rate in much of the developing countries.
In the USA, more teenage marriages tend to be ending in divorce when compared to those who marry after a well secured jobs. The divorce rate is comparatively low in Asian countries.
As in much of society’s changes, new institutions have arisen to respond to the problem of increasing divorce.
Marriage counseling is an arena that provides employment opportunities for many today.
Counseling is effective when undertaken in the early stages of disagreement. It is unlikely to help once differences have hardened.
Where violence and cruelty are involved, it is desirable not to try to reunite the couple.
A marriage is supposed to be for ‘better or worse.’ For better, everybody is ready to stay. But nowadays no one seems to be prepared to keep for worse.